


confess your love as well as your folly

by pensiveVisionary (hamburr)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Pregnancy, Sexual Content, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-27 21:04:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10816728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamburr/pseuds/pensiveVisionary
Summary: just for the record i'd like to mention i'm also trans because i would like to emphasize that this is not. fetishizing the concept of that plot point or anything like that. [peace sign] [kickflips into the night]anyway enjoy this scribble from a couple months ago while i try and remember how to write





	confess your love as well as your folly

**Author's Note:**

> just for the record i'd like to mention i'm also trans because i would like to emphasize that this is not. fetishizing the concept of that plot point or anything like that. [peace sign] [kickflips into the night]
> 
> anyway enjoy this scribble from a couple months ago while i try and remember how to write

Aaron trudges in through the door, and immediately veers left to go flop on the bed.

“Long day at work, baby?”

Aaron’s only response is the _fwump_ of him throwing himself onto the bed. The two of them share a tiny studio apartment, constantly tripping over each other and getting into each other’s space; the bedroom -- as it were -- is really just a bed sheltered behind a screen, and the couch and TV and desk and table and kitchen are crammed together in the rest of the space; the only real privacy is inside the bathroom. It's not an ideal situation. It started out of necessity, but now they're so used to it that not even Aaron, the introvert, minds the constant proximity.

Alex gets up from the desk and goes to him; Aaron is still fully dressed. “Dude, take off your shoes before you get in bed, come on.”

“Mmph,” is Aaron’s response, muffled by his face in the pillows, and Alex sighs and yanks off Aaron’s shoes for him, drops them on the ground.

“Th’ way you’re going, y’might as well continue.”

Alex laughs and pulls off one of his socks. “Okay, done, bye,” he says, and starts to walk away.

“How dare you leave me uneven like that! Alex!”

Alex, still laughing, comes back and hops up on the bed with Aaron. “Please, as if I would turn down an opportunity to take off your clothes.”

Aaron snorts, but rolls onto his side to allow Alex access to the buttons of his shirt. Alex obliges, leans in to kiss Aaron’s neck. Aaron sighs and relaxes into his touch, tilts his head back and lets Alex unbutton and unzip and move him as necessary. By the time Aaron’s underwear is on the floor, Aaron is more responsive to Alex’s touch, drawing little gasps when Alex presses slow kisses to the inside of his thighs. His eyes are still closed, and he still seems too exhausted to hold tension in his body, but he more than willingly lets Alex nudge his legs apart. Alex pauses, close enough that Aaron must be able to feel every exhale, and says, “Do you..?”

“‘M practically 'sleep, but -- if you want to. Feels good. Not gonna say no. Just… slow. Be nice.”

“I’m always nice,” Alex pouts.

“False.” Aaron waves a hand at him, smiling a little. “Go on, stop whining.”

So Alex settles between Aaron’s legs and puts his mouth on him, goes slow and sweet and gently persistent, drawing soft lovely gasps and little moans. He doesn’t rush, just lets it build until finally Aaron climaxes, then collapses back against the pillows. Alex doesn’t kiss him -- he knows Aaron doesn’t like being kissed after Alex has gone down on him -- but he pulls the blankets over Aaron and blows him a kiss, even though by the looks of it he may already be mostly asleep, snuggling up with the covers and sighing, content.

Alex brushes his teeth and goes back to his work, and joins Aaron in sleeping several hours later.

 

This settles into a sort of routine over the next week or so. Aaron comes home exhausted from work, collapses into bed practically as soon as he gets in the door. Alex starts to fuss over him a little, makes sure he eats something before he passes out, curling up with him, wanting to spend time with him even if Aaron isn’t awake.

Aaron usually gets up before Alex, but Alex is usually woken by Aaron’s alarm anyway. He notices Aaron snoozing it more and more times, finding it harder to get out of bed, and at night, too, he is finicky about what he will eat. Alex grows concerned.

One morning, Alex has to go in to work early, needing to get something extra done, and he comes back midmorning to find Aaron still home.

“Hey?” Alex says. Aaron is curled up in bed, and he blinks at Alex when he shows up.

“Hey,” he says, low.

“What’s up? You feeling sick?” Alex sits down at the edge of the bed, touches Aaron’s cheek. “You feel a little warm.”

“Just upset stomach or something. I dunno. Probably something I ate.”

Alex nods. “You’ve been feeling kind of -- off in that way lately, though, haven’t you?”

Aaron shrugs. “Don’t wanna talk about it. Don’t really wanna think about it. Gonna try and get some more sleep.”

“Okay, babe. Let me know if you need anything, I went in early this morning so I’m making the executive decision not to go back. If they need me, they can call me.”

Aaron gives a halfhearted laugh and closes his eyes.

Alex goes out to the couch and pulls up google. He knows, okay, he knows that googling symptoms is never the most reliable way to --

**Related searches:**   
fever nausea fatigue pregnancy   
low grade fever and nausea and early pregnancy

Uh.

Right.

Alex closes the window quickly, as though lingering might make it come true, and busies himself quickly with finding something to do.

He finds himself calling the doctor’s office and asking if there’s an appointment available for later that afternoon, and then he’s nudging Aaron awake and out of bed and out of his pajamas. Aaron insists on going by himself -- he won’t let Alex take him, or even tag along -- and so Alex relents and watches Aaron walk out the door.

He dozes off on the couch, tired from his early morning, and is startled awake when Aaron gets home. He looks, if anything, more nauseous than before, and deeply uncomfortable on the whole. He sits down on the edge of the couch, on the opposite side from Alex.

“Alex,” he says, hesitant. “Did you ever want to have kids?”

Alex sits up, fully awake in an instant. “Are we having a baby?”

“We? Alex, love, if I carry to term it’s gonna be me having the baby. You just did the fun part.”

Alex scoffs, jokingly, but it breaks into a nervous sort of laugh. “Are you for real?”

“I wouldn’t lie about this. I know we’ve talked about getting a bigger apartment, and -- well -- we’d need to for sure, if. Yeah. And -- and we have to decide if we’re ready to be parents. Financially and emotionally stable and everything. And if we even want to. And if I want to put myself through this, with the dysphoria and the side effects and -- fuck.” His voice breaks. “How could this have happened? I don’t know how I’m supposed to make these decisions. How would I possibly be able to live in my body for all of this? How am I supposed to know how to be a parent? How would I possibly be able to live with myself if I just -- terminated it -- I -- I don’t know what to do. Fuck. I thought if we wanted kids we’d wait till we were married and in at least an apartment bigger than a shoebox and we’d adopt, I didn’t think I was even capable of this at this point in my transition, I’ve been on T for years -- I -- Alex, what do I do?”

He looks up and his eyes are filled with tears and Alex scrambles to pull Aaron into his arms.

“I know we both had pretty fucked up childhoods, but -- I think it’s pretty safe to say that we’re in a place now where we’re self-aware enough to know if we’re repeating the mistakes of the people who came before us. As for -- everything else -- I mean. It’s your body, first and foremost, and you have to decide what’s best for you. Whatever you choose, I’ll support you, and if you don’t end up having this baby but we still decide we want kids we can look into adoption. Y’know? It’s not like it’s the be-all end-all. Whatever kid we have, if we have a kid, whether they’re blood related to us or adopted, they’ll be just as meant to be our kids, right? If you believe that, I mean, it’s just -- it makes sense that, like, if you can’t do this but we end up having a kid through a different method then, like, that would be the kid we’re meant to have.”

Aaron presses closer to Alex. Sighs deeply.

“I’m gonna give myself to time to think about it. I think I’m going to get back in bed.”

“Perfectly reasonable. Do you want me with you?”

Aaron nods, and they get in bed together, pressed together as close as they can be.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are the cheat code to getting more writing. just sayin
> 
> you can find me on tumblr @hambrr


End file.
